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October 30, 2012


CHICKASHA — History gives vampires a lasting sort of coo


There have been thousands of vampire legends and stories told throughout history. These blood-sucking creatures are truly scary, but are definitely the coolest creature around. Vampires reign more talented, more interesting and much more appealing than werewolves or zombies.

There is a luring appeal to vampires. There is no appeal to a human eating corpse or a hairy, angry dog-man.

Vampires are rapidly fast, sneaky and strong. Zombies are typically clumsy, dumb and aimlessly wondering around with no intent or purpose. Although the undead are notoriously difficult to kill, they are still easier to kill than vampires. If you want to kill a zombie you must extensively damage the thing that's keeping it alive: it's brain.

Vampires live forever. A zombie's typical life span ranges to 2-3 years. A vampire adjusts to different places, centuries and climates.

A werewolf is a resilient and scary creature, but not as scary as a vampire. Werewolves get distracted easy. Vampires have an impeccable sense of smell, super-human strength and sometimes vampires can develop special powers like mind reading, or seeing the future.

Sure some vampires are scared of garlic, holy items or wooden stakes, but come on. With their speed and strength it won't be enough to scare them off.

Yes, vampires feel emotions but that makes them even more appealing. Vampires can coincide in some public places but zombies and werewolves would stick out like a sore thumb.

In the end, some vampires may sparkle in the sunlight, or hid within society, but they are the best creature by a mile.

Popular show means success for cannibal corpses


Zombies are cooler than Vampires and Werewolves. Why you ask? Because AMC’s “The Walking Dead” is the most watched cable TV show ever. And, more importantly, you can always out run a Zombie. “The Walking Dead” TV Series which is based upon the graphic novels of the same name, show us what life would be like after the Zombie apocalypse.

The survivors roam the barren wasteland by sneaking through woods and towns, hiding from Zombies. When they do run into Zombies they choose to either engage the Zombies or in most cases, they run away from the Zombies. This makes my point. If the survivors or in this case you, run into a group of Vampires, there is no way to outrun the Vampers (shout out to True Blood). Vampers in a blink of the eye would have their fangs engorged in your neck.

Werewolves are not as fast as Vampires but still, how could you out run an animal that is faster and stronger than any human.

I do not care if you are Usain Bolt, you will not out run a Werewolf in a 200m dash. My next point is that you are more likely to kill a Zombie than a Vampire or Werewolf. Just pick up any handy-dandy household object or any type of junk and you are good to go. A brick, rock, toaster oven, butter knife or even a pencil jammed into the skull of a Zombie will take it down for good. And typically there is very little mess.

To kill a Vampire, you must have something wooden (preferably a nice wooden stake) or UV light. Those items are difficult to find when you are running for your life and by the way, according to my comments from above, you will not run for long. If you find yourself carrying a wooden stake and have the time to use it, you will notice that the mess from a Vampire killing is like an explosion of spaghetti o’s that cooked too long in a microwave. Someone needs to get a lot of paper towels and a jug of 409. Killing a Werewolf is even more difficult because you need something silver to do the trick. Let’s face it, most of us have sold our good silver and when we do get silver (coins) we spend them.

Just simply lock yourself inside the walls of the prison and Zombies cannot get in. Zombies cannot climb, jump or fly (like Vampires or Werewolves). They can only stare at you from the outside looking in and thinking to themselves how tasty you must be. And isn’t that what we all want in life, for everyone to look at us and want us. Look but don’t touch Zombies.

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