10. The neighbor lady’s pedigreed show dog has a litter of what could be called either Blue-oodles or Pooheelers.

9. The pig roast was okay—it was the hanging-from-the-tree-in-the-front-yard processing that seemed to upset folks.

8. Obviously no one appreciates your use of fresh, organic fertilizer on your yard.

7. Spraying for dandelions, you put out the neighbor’s window while turning the self-propelled spray rig around.

6. You’re so used to stopping what you’re doing to watch a car drive by that you never get anything done.

5. The neighborhood kids avoid you because they don’t much care that, when you were their age, you had to milk 10 cows, carry water from the cistern and chop firewood before school.

4. Can you believe they have a law against hot-wiring your yard and turning a couple of bucket calves in?

3. Mounting big ol’ catfish heads on fence posts is fine in the country but apparently is received with less enthusiasm in town.

2. You had the old combine to sell; surely somebody driving up your street needs one; why not park it in the front yard?

1. All you did was fire a shotgun in the air—how in the world were you supposed to know they were Christmas carolers?